I cannot give this analysis enough credit. It’s beautiful.
Maybe you could expand off of this? Old research notes from someone.
Experiment Number: 0137
Researcher: Greg the Unknown (still)
Proposal: Many of us researchers here in the MRDL (Magimystical Research and Development Lab) and others within the guilds have need of a helper of sorts. The proposal here is to create a method to allow certain types of plants the ability of locomotion and minor intelligence.
Experiment results- 1: A tree sapling from an American Red Maple, Acer rubrum, was given the ability to walk along with intelligence the level of a fairy. The experiment pulled itself out of its pot, walked forward and blew up in Assistant Wilson’s face.
Results- 1/A: Another sapling from before used tree was used, but the soil mixture that it was grown in was changed to one with less magnesium and phosphate elements present. As before, the sapling pulled itself out of its pot and walked around. This time we were able to observe said sapling as it moved. The sapling didn’t appear to have any observable areas that would be used for sensory purposes, ie. ears, noses, mouth, other than the fingers that were part of its long thin hands. Subject used what appeared to be legs that were made up of roots twisted together to move around. After a 24 hour period, in which subject ate soil and drank water through its roots. We could actually observe the soil and water disappear from the bowls. Subject then detonated in Assistant William’s face.
Results- 1/B: As before, the soil was changed to one with more “friendly” purposes, as said by Gossmere researchers. This time a sapling was used from a Siberian Spruce, Picea obovata, was used. All observations were as before, though this subject drank large amounts of vodka from my secret stash. I waited for a period of 74 hours before bringing in Assistant Williams. As soon as Williams went to introduce his self to the subject, it detonated, creating a sizeable explosion.
Results- 1/C: This time both saplings, Siberian spruce and American Red maple, were used with the “friendly” mixture. Assistant Williams was removed from the environment, and other assistants and researchers were allowed to interact. Nothing was observed from these reactions until Researcher Samson was introduced. Samson is a very heavy smoker and when nearing the subjects, they backed away and puffed up in a preemptive detention look.After removing Samson from the room, I inspected Assistant Williams room and person to find a pack of cigars and much more in his desk.
Conclusion: Addictives found in the cigars and cigarettes cause a bad reaction with the subjects. Remove any such from the area.
Good find, 5.
This “Greg the Unknown” is an interesting character. He seems to disregard the standard lab formats, which is probably the reason that these notes were lost in the first place. If he’s still working in the labs, I want him reprimanded and fired. Or just give him Steve as an assistant for a week.
Still, it’s good to know that it’s possible. Regretful that he didn’t record how it was done, but I guess figuring it out will be part of the fun for us. Good to know they probably won’t like smoking, too. The vodka drinking was a bit odd. A plant drinking alcohol would be like humans drinking lactic acid, but perhaps it was just a side effect of whatever technique they used to mobilize it. I refuse to believe that it was because the tree was Russian. I have to hope that at least our flora can be above stereotypes.
The tree is Siberian, so no stereotyping for the plants. And Greg was, thankfully, reprimanded when he lost of all of his research, like instant delicious drinks and forever warm mittens, when he got drunk and burnt down his lab.
After a quick google fact-check to make sure I wasn’t thinking of the wrong place, I have determined that Siberia is in fact a part of Russia. It is a grave tiding, but I have hopes that our trees are better than this.
As for Greg, I’m glad to hear something was done about him. Someone should also have told him to stop making up ridiculous nicknames for himself, too. We already have Chordie.
As a later note that has been found, the reasoning behind the Siberian drinking vodka is because Assistant Williams watered the sapling with vodka instead of water. I’m hoping Williams has been reprimanded.
I think the experience of multiple violent detonations at point-blank range is punishment enough.
Please remind Williams that our explosive powered rocket projects were shelved for a reason and to stop trying to bring them back in any shape or form. We still don’t know how deep that hole is.
Proposal Number: 0001-G/T
Researcher: Augustus Gaius Octavius
Proposal: Seek out an experimental cure for a therefore yet un-described magimystical affliction
Application: Patient E.M., a 27 year old, right-handed man (born under the Tropical Zodiac constellation Gemini) initially presented to the Gossmere healers with the following Chief Complaint: all lawn equipment he interacts with fails after precisely 13 minutes of handling. Believing, correctly, this to be a magimystical jinx, hex or other variety of minor curse, he first sought out magiqal methods of healing/curse-breaking but to no avail. He was referred via inter-Guild missive to the enlightened minds of Thornmouth. Gossmere healer Augustus accompanied E.M. to the Lab for testing/treatment trials.
Potential impact: Describe an entirely new class of magiqal affliction and summate curative or palliative options for said affliction.
Day 1: E.M. presented to the lab with a manilla envelope full of records, CT scan reports, MRI image discs, and discharge summaries. These were burned in a decorative bronze brazier to see if the color of the flames would help discern the nature of his jinx. It did not. New copies were requested from the referring centers for review (no one had thought to do so prior to the burning spell).
Day 4: A diagnostic/therapeutic trial of acupuncture was carried out, but the “needles” borrowed from Flinterforge apparently exceeded E.M.’s tolerance to pain, causing him to faint. Declared a failed trial.
Day 6: E.M. was bathed for 3.5 hours in a solution of magimystically-charged Epsom salt to cleanse his aura. He developed pruney pink fingers and toes. No other effects were observed. His aura was unchanged when viewed through Fresnel and polarized lenses.
Day 13: Despite E.M.’s claims that he was fully cured, 13 minutes of exposure to a leaf blower caused said leaf blower to explode violently, where it would simply have sputtered out prior to experimental treatments. Further experimental treatments deemed necessary by Thornmouth research team.
Day 26: A significant breakthrough occurred - Thornmouth researchers discovered that, being a “nice guy,” Augustus would fetch them lunch 1-2 times per week from the establishment of their choice, so long as they gave him cash to pay with. No progress yet made on E.M.’s case, but plenty of reading being done on hexes (and lawn equipment).
Day 30: Specifically timed applications of herbal unguents and mineral-based medicaments seem to suppress E.M.’s jinx for 26 minutes (rather than 13) before rebounding, causing a hedge trimmer chain to fly off and get lodged permanently in the lab roof. Although no one is specifically wounded, note is made that Balimoran and Flinterforge researchers now avoid the wing of the lab where E.M.’s treatments are being administered.
Day 32: Noting his severe homesickness, Augustus supplied E.M. with a kitchen egg timer and advised him to take frequent breaks when performing lawn-care tasks. No further experiments are conducted, but discharge exam reveals E.M. now always smells faintly of ozone, regardless of prevailing weather conditions.
Additional: The Gossmerim decide, based on Augustus’ report of E.M.’s case, to only correspond with Thornmouth colleagues via letters where rare afflictions and diseases are concerned.
Very well written, Augustus. While it is regrettable that there was no real cure for this malady, all parties did considerably well under the circumstances.
As an aside, you did particularly well. While you were helping the Thornmouths, they ate better than they had in months. There have already been requests to have you moved to their sector as an assistant full time. I won’t approve it for fear of them becoming as fully dependent on you as they already are on coffee, but I hope it warms your heart to know.
Proposal: We want to create a device which allows physical objects to be sent over the Internet as one would send an email, appearing almost instantaneously, and in the same condition as it was sent.
Details: this device, nicknamed The Internet Cauldron, should be able to transport non-living materials safely. As much as the Balimorans would enjoy it, I doubt sending a real person or Tigrantula via the Internet will yeild positive results. As it stands, my personal goal is to send a hot cup of tea from one module to the other without losing flavor or temperature.
During my research, I found many anecdotes which suggest such a device could be possible. So far, I believe Charlie and the Chocolate Factory has the most simmilar device to the one we are attempting as Mr. Wonka sends a bar of chocolate from a machine to a television set. I’m still looking into whether or not this method has real Technomagiqal potential.
Results: Viviane has been locked up in a remote corner of the labs for some time now. Occasionally she sends a stack of notes my way, but the results don’t seem hopeful. This latest prototype emitted a horrible smell before collapsing in on itself with a strange squelching noise.
Followup: As soon as we can get the lab aired out, I will return to my research. For now, the fumes are making it hard to breathe and we are temporarily evacuating that sector of the lab. More updates to follow.
Would this be the place to direct inquiries concerning encountering magical anomalies? I’ve been having a particular bit of trouble regarding encounters with necromancers… Does the lab have any particular resources that could help with that? My Therapeutics affinity has been sufficient in putting the dead back to rest thus far and my Choreomancy has saved my hide on many occasions but these acolytes of the dark are becoming more… difficult. I think what may prove to be the easiest solution is any runes or crystals refined to specifically counteract their magics; is anyone in the lab particualrly skilled in artifice? I’d be willing to retrieve and or pay for any necessary materials not already available.
Hi, Torli! I just emerged from the lab to retrieve some drinkable tea; glad I caught you! That certainly doesn’t sound like a pleasant situation. Can you describe more specifically what sort of issues you’ve been encountering with the undead? The R&D lab would be happy to help, I’m sure, but we’ll need as many details as you are willing to give (although keep them safe for public consumption, of course). Feel free to submit a request form here describing the nature of the problem, what sort of goal you’d like to achieve, etc. Although, do be warned that our projects here have a tendency to go a bit…sideways, sometimes.
Sorry, I have to get back to these Internet cauldrons! And feel free to pass on any questions or concerns.
May I ask what kind of Choreomancy you have been using? I often use string instruments and Id be happy to write up some protective songs for you if thats what you need.
As for keeping the dead… well dead. Id try and use a ward of some kind? A communion ward could probably keep them held for a long period of time.
My skills in choreomancy are… unconventional. I’m closer to the subset who apply it to dance, having articulate control over their bodies, but I myself extend the practice in to Martial Arts. My reflexes have kept me from being done in on more than one occasion. I’m seeking help as putting the dead to rest via Therapeutics specifically the manipulation of Zoe, a form of spiritual energy, has been very taxing on my spirit. The necromancers are rather cruel in what they do to these souls.
Noted, I’ll have a formal request to the lab this evening!
What you are using sounds like a mix of Choreomancy and Combat Magiq! Fascinating! I look forward to seeing your full report!!
Don’t mess with us Goss
We have killer dance moves
Have you talked to Grim? If you can get him on the project, he might be able to draw up a charm or sigil for you.